De-Clutter

Each year, I name my journal. Last year’s writing had the header: ‘open. a journal’

Before that, it was “love is a Gift….” I am thinking that someday… when I look back a the various names of the journals… perhaps I will be able to discern the trajectory of my journey. I’m hoping that it doesn’t denigrate so that the last one reads; ‘incontinent, one man’s story.’

So I’m trying to choose next year’s theme. I’ve got it narrowed down. After writing about being ‘open to God’ last year… I’ve seen that when I open my hands to receive from God, they are full of other stuff. If I am to be open, I am going to have to be de-cluttered.

But ‘De-clutter’ doesn’t sound very deep for a journal theme. Maybe I’ll use; ‘Make Room’. Or ‘Make Way’, both of which have a more distinct tone.

But de-clutter is what I mean.

This past year, I stopped a few times and looked around. I looked around my office and saw stacks of stress, unfunctional artifacts (an empty plant container, bent paper clips), too much furniture and unread books. I saw them for more of what they are: distractions, unfinished transactions and entanglements that I drag along behind me from day to day. My workbench would be a good metaphor. Or my desk, checkbook, underwear drawer, floorboard or heart.

After a personal retreat, I can back with a resolve to make space. I started with my desk. Minute, by minute the rich cherry grain became visible. Then calming. I remembered why I wanted that wood in the first place. I began to breathe. A clean surface makes room for both air and creativity.

Encouraged by the beauty of my desk, I went home and yanked open my top dresser drawer. I took a long serious look at my underwear, This sounds sorta creepy I understand, but this too resulted in freedom (by which I don’t mean that I’m sans underwear). I just mean that I don’t daily wrestle my drawer.

Given these experiences (which aren’t my first ones) why I don’t choose more of it?

This past year, I think know why I don’t. The open spaces are freeing at first. You feel lighter, less encumbered, less distracted. But once you are less distracted with lessor things, you turn to face the greater. And I have found that I am frightened of the greater.
Even so – I hear a voice in the greater open space.

So this year, I am going to make room; in my waistline, my budget, my closet and my heart. I am going to relentlessly. I know that shortly upon relief of what is often self-inflicted stress, I will encounter a type of anxiety of the unknown.

This year I am going to empty my hands and hold them out towards that space.

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